Tag Archives: emotional eating

How to Know If You’re “Doing It Right”

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When you’re learning a new skill, it’s pretty normal to want reassurance that you’re “doing it right,” even around something as definitively imperfect as intuitive eating.  I’m sure many of you are out there REALLY struggling not to weigh yourself, desperately wanting to judge your progress, and see if this intuitive eating thing is really worth your time.

I get it – this is a totally normal “old” thought pattern.  We are all looking for excuses to judge ourselves and the world around us all the time, and it’s a slow process to break that mental model.

In the meantime, here are some questions to pull out when you think to yourself “is this working?” or “is all this loving myself just making me fatter?”

Here’s how you know you’re on the right track:

  1. You love yourself more, so you’re just plain old happier most of the time.
  2. You accept dinner invitations, unless you have another legitimate conflict.
  3. You have awesome clothes that you love wearing in public (and you regularly take more pride in your appearance).
  4. Being naked is more fun, with a partner or alone.
  5. You generally experience more pleasure and joy (i.e. you pay attention to what’s actually happening in your life). Yay.

Here’s how you DON’T know you’re on the right track (i.e. benchmarks that are irrelevant):

  1. You weigh more or less than you used to (or stayed the same)
  2. You have more control over your own behavior (i.e. improved “willpower”)
  3. You have things you think you should (boyfriend, job, apartment in tribeca).
  4. Your mother thinks “you’re doing so well!”
  5. You weigh more or less than you used to (this one merits repetition).

These benchmarks (although some may be nice) are NOT actually a marker that you are happy, joyous, or free from obsessive food and weight thoughts.  From today forward, your “progress” is a function of how you feel about yourself, not by external measurement.

Remember, self-judgment is product of your imagination.  If you’re going to play make believe, wouldn’t it be more fun to play “I love myself and my life is awesome” than to play “My life sucks and I’m too fat to be loved?”

You literally get to choose between these two games everyday.  Your choice.

To say “I love you,” is to say “I trust you.”

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If you buy my theory that self-love quells compulsive overeating (or at the very least, that self-loathing triggers it), you will agree that words and acts of self-love are some of the most powerful tools we have in combating this “condition.” Simple “I love you body” mantras are powerful in and of themselves, especially when in the grips of a craving or self-criticism (and no one to save us but our own inner monologue). There are many ways to whip out the power of an “I love you body” mantra, and one in particularly, I swear saved my life this week.

One of the most compelling ways to say “I love you, body” is to say “I trust you.” This becomes critical when the seductive security of scales and numbers starts to call. That’s what giving up numbers is – honoring our bodies with our deepest trust, above our trust of scales, plans and calorie counts. Whenever we count or measure our food or our bodies, we are essentially giving our bodies the message that we don’t trust “her.” When our bodies get that message, they retaliate, as all they really want is our undying love and acceptance (and, trust me, they will call us out through bingeing, craving, etc. whenever they don’t have it).

Lately I’ve been having hectic days where the lure of calorie counting just enters my mind, seemingly without my permission. A couple times I’ve even day dreamed, imagining how much I “should” weigh and if I’m there yet. These are dangerous thoughts. They are seedlings of self-judgment, expectation, and will inevitably lead to body dissatisfaction – the ultimate, numero uno, super trigger.

In these moments, my most powerful weapon is nothing but a deep breath, and the simple reminder, “I trust you.”

I trust you more than scales
I trust you more than counting calories
I trust you more than my jeans that shrunk in the dryer
I trust you more than the boy who doesn’t love me back
I trust you more than my elliptical
I trust you more than the candy jar at work
I trust you more than (fill in the blank reason your body is “wrong”)

I trust you.

How to Completely Lose Your Shit With Food

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1) Weigh yourself
2) Stay home alone on a Friday night, because you’re not thin enough
3) “Avoid carbs”
4) Don’t put your food on a plate…someone might see you
5) Don’t chew
6) Count ANYTHING (calories, points, grams, lbs – they’ll all work)
7) Make rules and/or “no” lists (e.g. “no food after 5pm”)
8) Stalk married ex-boyfriends on Facebook (and for faster results, compare yourself to pictures of his wife)
9) Eat foods that taste bad, preferably in a rapid, whirlwind fashion (almost like it never happened…)
10) Call or text a boy who treats you badly
11) Force yourself to wear clothes that are too small for you
12) Take shallow breaths until you get really anxious
13) Indulge in feeling really guilty about what you’ve already eaten
14) Make detailed meal plans for yourself
15) Stay in the closet
16) Don’t sleep
17) Don’t talk about your feelings (or let yourself have them)
18) Don’t have sex or touch anyone
19) Don’t work out
20) Don’t have fun