So the first question that usually comes out of people’s mouths when I say the phrase “normal eating,” is something along the lines of “what does ‘normal’ eating even mean?”

Like, most of us “get” that there are people in the world who
don’t really think about food,
and just eat what they want,
and naturally end up eating an “appropriate” amount food without really trying,
because they don’t really care about food that much to begin with. 

but we don’t understand how.

“What are they doing that I’m not?!”
“I don’t understand people like that!”

It took me a really long time to understand and emulate “normal eaters,” and that’s because I was approaching “trying to be normal” in all the wrong ways.

I was trying to control myself, trying to do something different with food, trying to “eat when hungry and stop when full” or whatever other way I was trying to “do” normal eating. 

But the reality of the situation is, “normies” aren’t doing “normal eating.”
There’s no “way” they’re eating, that you haven’t heard of before.
There’s no “trick” they’re employing, that you’ve never heard of.

They’re not doing anything.

“Normal eating” isn’t something a person does, it’s something a person thinks. Furthermore, “normal eating” is not defined by how or what a person eats, but rather, by how one feels about themselves. 

If you’re “okay” with how you’re eating, how you’re eating is “okay.”
Conversely, If you’re “not okay” with how you’re eating, how you’re eating becomes “not okay.”

(And we all know what happens when we cross that line of “not okay.” All hell seems to break loose.)

The point is, it’s how you feel about what you’re eating that makes the difference, not what you’re eating in and of itself.

When you judge your performance around food — when you decided that there’s an imaginary line in the sand where “okay” ends, and “not okay” begins — you will inevitably cross that line, and probably lose your shit.

“Normies” don’t have a line to cross. If they eat a big dinner, they eat a big dinner. No big deal. If they have a cupcake in the middle of the day for no reason, they eat a cupcake and move on with their lives. If they eat an entire bag of chips in a sitting, they eat the bag and then think “ughg I need water,” and get over it.

What they eat has NO bearing on their self-esteem. It means nothing.

THAT is the difference between “Normies” and Emotional Eaters — it’s not what they’re doing, it’s how they feel about what they’re doing.

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The most common way that people try to stop emotional eating is by attempting to replace emotional eating with another coping mechanism (e.g. “call a friend” or “take a warm bath” instead).

However, this “replacement” technique usually backfires…because it triggers diet mentality around food…which makes us want to eat more in the long run, not less. 

Sitting-on-your-hands-trying-not-to-eat is a surefire way to feel DEPRIVED around—which we, as human animals, are biologically designed to rebel against. 

In other words, when we try to pick up a coping mechanism for the purpose of controlling or limiting food—we can easily end up falling into diet-binge cycling behaviors…which is a way bigger problem than a little comfort-eating ever could be.

Emotional eating—or eating to soothe feelings—is a far lesser problem than bingeing your face off because you can’t take one more second trying to “hold yourself back” from eating what you really want. 

This is one of the biggest points of confusion for folks dealing with emotional eating—90% of my clients who think “emotional eating” is their big problem realize very quickly that what they’re actually dealing with is a diet-binge cycling—an entirely different issue altogether. More on this here.

So what’s the solution? Get rid of the word “instead.”

Practice new coping mechanisms and diversify your self-care strategies without putting pressure on yourself “not eat” over something. 

When we practice ADDING IN coping mechanisms (rather than taking out food), emotional eating essentially gets “crowded out” by other coping mechanisms without triggering diet-binge cycling behaviors.

Of course, if you think you may be struggling with deprivation mindset around food (i.e. you feel like you’re constantly having to control your food at all times and are terrified of ‘falling off the wagon’), it’s probably time to address your diet-binge cycling patterns–which is an entirely different issue. Learn more about that recovery process here.

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Today I want to talk about the last diet I ever went on before I actually threw in the towel on dieting for real, and that was:

The “New Age Thinking Will Make Me Thin” Diet. 

Sometimes this diet goes by other names, like…

The “Spiritual Fulfillment Makes You Thin” Diet
The “Positive Thinking Makes You Thin” Diet
The “Body Acceptance Makes You Thin” Diet
The “Meditating, Writing In Your Journal, or Healing Your Relationship With Your Mom All Make You Thin” Diet

Or my personal favorite…The “When You Stop Trying To Lose Weight, You’ll Lose Weight” Diet.

Right…because the Universe is an evil genius and is actively trying to fuck with you.

I say, when you stop trying to lose weight you’ll just be happier and whatever weight you’re probably meant to be, but that’s another post for another time. 

While I do believe that healing your relationship with your mother, working towards more positive thinking, and/or making peace with your body are all probably good ideas whether you lose weight or not,

I’m deeply concerned that the weight loss motive and messaging of this “diet” keeps folks trapped in an oppressive system wherein true freedom around food and weight is shallow at best, and impossible for most. 

I worry this fantasy, that we can “have our self-love cake and control our weight too,” keeps women from fully enjoying true, honest, body acceptance, which in my opinion is a requirement for ending the diet-binge cycle and feeling truly comfortable around food.

I worry that women are continuing to judge their food, their behaviors, and generally experiencing a lot of emotional deprivation on account of their weight loss goals.

I worry that this way of thinking promotes the very dangerous and stigmatizing idea that one’s weight is an indicator of their mental health…when believe it or not, super happy, spiritually fulfilled and mentally healthful people come in all shapes and sizes.

I worry that women are being made to feel like failures when their attempts at improving their mental or spiritual health do NOT produce permanent weight loss. 

I worry that women are not doing the deep-level body image work that will ultimately free them, because they believe a magical-thinking solution will one day make them thinner.

Ultimately, I know that the New Age Thinking Diet is still an active attempt at body control, which could very well lead to frustration and rebellion (i.e. binge eating) in the long run.

If you’ve been told that thinness is a self-help-slogan-away and feel like you must be doing it wrong because permanent weight loss was not the result—please know you’re not alone, and there is another way to live…

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When I ask women why they want to lose weight, they almost always tell me…

“because I want to feel better in my body.” 

which is such a funny answer to me, because I know that how we feel in our body has nothing to do with our weight…I feel a million times better in my body today than I ever did at my lowest weight, and I’m at least 30lbs heavier now than I was then.

Here’s a little story to make my point even clearer: 

There are two woman, who both weigh 160lbs.

One woman recently lost 50lbs, she’s down from 210lbs; the other, recently gained 20lbs, she’s up from 140lbs.

They are the exact same size today.

But one feels thin, sexy and beautiful as she compares herself to her former self, and the other feels fat and unattractive.

Anyone who saw them both today would say they look exactly alike, although in their own minds, they feel completely opposite. 

What does this tell us about “feeling fat” vs. “feeling thin?” Well, for starters, anyone can “feel fat” or “feel thin” at any size. 

Your weight does not determine your body image;
your weight does not determine whether or not you “feel good in your body,”
your weight does not determine how sexy you get to feel,
your weight is actually irrelevant. 

It’s your perception of your weight that dictates how you feel about yourself. Not your weight itself. 

If two women can look identical, and feel completely different about themselves, that means, the “problem” of feeling badly about yourself is in your mind — not on your ass. (Tweet it).

This may seem obvious, but over and over again I hear women say that they “need” to lose weight in order to feel good about themselves.

And that’s just fucking bullshit. 

What if the answer to feeling badly about yourself wasn’t losing 10lbs; what if the answer to feeling badly about yourself was a shift in perception? 

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