How to Know If You’re “Doing It Right”

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When you’re learning a new skill, it’s pretty normal to want reassurance that you’re “doing it right,” even around something as definitively imperfect as intuitive eating.  I’m sure many of you are out there REALLY struggling not to weigh yourself, desperately wanting to judge your progress, and see if this intuitive eating thing is really worth your time.

I get it – this is a totally normal “old” thought pattern.  We are all looking for excuses to judge ourselves and the world around us all the time, and it’s a slow process to break that mental model.

In the meantime, here are some questions to pull out when you think to yourself “is this working?” or “is all this loving myself just making me fatter?”

Here’s how you know you’re on the right track:

  1. You love yourself more, so you’re just plain old happier most of the time.
  2. You accept dinner invitations, unless you have another legitimate conflict.
  3. You have awesome clothes that you love wearing in public (and you regularly take more pride in your appearance).
  4. Being naked is more fun, with a partner or alone.
  5. You generally experience more pleasure and joy (i.e. you pay attention to what’s actually happening in your life). Yay.

Here’s how you DON’T know you’re on the right track (i.e. benchmarks that are irrelevant):

  1. You weigh more or less than you used to (or stayed the same)
  2. You have more control over your own behavior (i.e. improved “willpower”)
  3. You have things you think you should (boyfriend, job, apartment in tribeca).
  4. Your mother thinks “you’re doing so well!”
  5. You weigh more or less than you used to (this one merits repetition).

These benchmarks (although some may be nice) are NOT actually a marker that you are happy, joyous, or free from obsessive food and weight thoughts.  From today forward, your “progress” is a function of how you feel about yourself, not by external measurement.

Remember, self-judgment is product of your imagination.  If you’re going to play make believe, wouldn’t it be more fun to play “I love myself and my life is awesome” than to play “My life sucks and I’m too fat to be loved?”

You literally get to choose between these two games everyday.  Your choice.