Have you “fallen off the wagon?”

The only time a person EVER “falls off a wagon”

is when there’s a wagon to fall off of; 

a set of rules, ideals, or beliefs around food that we let determine how we feel about ourselves.

“I was sooo good with food yesterday, and today, I SUCK.”

sound familiar?

and I’m guessing that when you go into the place of “I suck,”

when you “fall off the wagon,”

you fall hard. Like knee-deep-in-brownie-batter-hard. 

Not fun, and so avoidable. 

If you want to make peace with food, and stop shame-eating cookies in the middle of the night,

Ask yourself,

what “wagons” am I trying not to fall off of?

Where am I judging my performance with food? 

Where did I draw an imaginary line of “not okay?”

AND GET RID OF THAT SHIZ.

Because as long as there’s a wagon to fall off of, you WILL fall off of it eventually.

You see,

“Falling off” is not your problem. Your wagon is your problem. 

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How emotional eating is saving your ass.

Most of my clients think that emotional eating is a curse. That it’s an unfortunate defect they’ve been blighted with, and they were dealt a bad hand in life when it comes to food and weight.

“Poor me! I’m sick of this! Will this food problem ever not torment me?!”

Or something along those lines.

But here’s my take on it…

I’m not sure emotional eating is a bad thing. In fact, I think it might be my guardian angel. 

I know this is the part where you think I’m a crazy person, but hang on a sec.

Emotional eating is an attempt to deal with a tough problem, feeling, or situation we don’t otherwise know how to deal with, and often don’t even know that we have without some kind of symptom to remind us. 

That twitchy feeling that makes us want to go shove brownies down our throats, is like a genius alarm bell, that if responded to appropriately, reminds us to clue into what’s bothering us, before it becomes a more serious problem.

When we strip away the judgement of our emotional eating, and stop calling it a disease, a defect, a problem in and of itself;

we can finally see it for what it is:

An alert that something in our life needs our attention. Something completely unrelated to food or our weight. 

Be grateful for the reminder. It might be saving your ass.  

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What is your “I-can’t-stop-once-I-pop” food?

Sweets drive you crazy?

Can’t have one bite of ice cream without eating the whole pint?

Maybe it’s chips? Peanut Butter? Kentucky Fried Chicken? Feel free to get weird.

And let me tell you a little something about your favorite “addictive” foods.

The only time you will ever feel “out of control” around a specific food, is when you’re trying to control it to begin with.

Somewhere, somehow, you are judging, shaming, or limiting yourself around that food. You are calling it “bad.” You are wishing you didn’t want it. You are worrying you will lose control, gain weight, get caught.

You are handing that food power over you, by fearing it.

If you don’t believe me, try naming one food that “drives you crazy,” that you allow yourself to eat with complete abandon. No shame, no guilt, no fear of losing control. Just letting that food be a part of your life, like it was when you were a kid. Like it’s No. Big. Deal.

I bet you can’t.

The only answer to fear around food, is allowance, more allowance, and deeper still allowance. If you are a veteran of this work, you may not even be conscious of all the ways in which you are still restricting yourself, but let your “lack of control” remind you. Lack of Control = Lack of Allowance = Binge Waiting To Happen.

Lean into your lack of control, and be surprised by the grace that lifts you up. 

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Why You Can’t End The Diet-Binge Cycle

Here’s the thing about the diet-binge cycle that nobody talks about…it’s not dieting, in a vacuum, that triggers it. 

It’s wanting to control your weight,

that triggers the dieting (in various forms),

that triggers it.

Every time I ask a client, “why is it so scary to let go of controlling your food?” the answer is invariably,

“I’m afraid I’ll gain weight.”

Duh.

Fear of weight gain controls us.

Fear of weight gain is why “it’s so hard to let go,” or “I’m not there yet,”

Fear of weight gain backs us up against a wall and says “you don’t have a choice in this matter,”

Get thin or die. 

When you let yourself be controlled by your fear of gaining weight,

because you believe the walls will cave in around you or the Earth will burst into flames if you do,

that’s when the cycle begins. 

that’s when you can not help but to judge every bite of food you feed yourself,

that’s when you can not help but to obsess about your food,

that’s when you feel like you don’t have a choice but to restrict,

because you believe your survival depends on it. 

And then it’s just a matter of time…

before you can’t fight any longer.

before you’re on autopilot — lunging for that jar of peanut butter,

because you just need some R.E.L.I.E.F. 

The pressure is too much; it’s too heavy to bear.

When you’re only okay with yourself at a certain weight, it’s like you’re handing food a baseball bat and saying:

“You have the power to make or break me, show me who’s boss.”

Emotional Eating is the almost certain outcome of hating your body.

Is body acceptance something you are willing to work on? What are you willing to let go of, to get to the other side?

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“I MUST lose weight to feel better about myself”

When I ask women why they want to lose weight, they almost always tell me…

“because I want to feel better in my body.” 

which is such a funny answer to me, because I know that how we feel in our body has nothing to do with our weight…I feel a million times better in my body today than I ever did at my lowest weight, and I’m at least 30lbs heavier now than I was then.

Here’s a little story to make my point even clearer: 

There are two woman, who both weigh 160lbs.

One woman recently lost 50lbs, she’s down from 210lbs; the other, recently gained 20lbs, she’s up from 140lbs.

They are the exact same size today.

But one feels thin, sexy and beautiful as she compares herself to her former self, and the other feels fat and unattractive.

Anyone who saw them both today would say they look exactly alike, although in their own minds, they feel completely opposite. 

What does this tell us about “feeling fat” vs. “feeling thin?” Well, for starters, anyone can “feel fat” or “feel thin” at any size. 

Your weight does not determine your body image;
your weight does not determine whether or not you “feel good in your body,”
your weight does not determine how sexy you get to feel,
your weight is actually irrelevant. 

It’s your perception of your weight that dictates how you feel about yourself. Not your weight itself. 

If two women can look identical, and feel completely different about themselves, that means, the “problem” of feeling badly about yourself is in your mind — not on your ass. (Tweet it).

This may seem obvious, but over and over again I hear women say that they “need” to lose weight in order to feel good about themselves.

And that’s just fucking bullshit. 

What if the answer to feeling badly about yourself wasn’t losing 10lbs; what if the answer to feeling badly about yourself was a shift in perception? 

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