...really fast, standing up,
when nobody's watching
Sign up for free guide
and weekly(ish) advice.
  • newbutton


  • Already discovered by...
  • Media Icons (SJ’s ex)

    Media Icons (SJ’s ex)
  • Have you “fallen off the wagon?”

    The only time a person EVER “falls off a wagon”

    is when there’s a wagon to fall off of; 

    a set of rules, ideals, or beliefs around food that we let determine how we feel about ourselves.

    “I was sooo good with food yesterday, and today, I SUCK.”

    sound familiar?

    and I’m guessing that when you go into the place of “I suck,”

    when you “fall off the wagon,”

    you fall hard. Like knee-deep-in-brownie-batter-hard. 

    Not fun, and so avoidable. 

    If you want to make peace with food, and stop shame-eating cookies in the middle of the night,

    Ask yourself,

    what “wagons” am I trying not to fall off of?

    Where am I judging my performance with food? 

    Where did I draw an imaginary line of “not okay?”


    Because as long as there’s a wagon to fall off of, you WILL fall off of it eventually.

    You see,

    “Falling off” is not your problem. Your wagon is your problem.

    (Tweet that)

    How emotional eating is saving your ass.

    Most of my clients think that emotional eating is a curse. That it’s an unfortunate defect they’ve been blighted with, and they were dealt a bad hand in life when it comes to food and weight.

    “Poor me! I’m sick of this! Will this food problem ever not torment me?!”

    Or something along those lines.

    But here’s my take on it…

    I’m not sure emotional eating is a bad thing. In fact, I think it might be my guardian angel. 

    I know this is the part where you think I’m a crazy person, but hang on a sec.

    Emotional eating is an attempt to deal with a tough problem, feeling, or situation we don’t otherwise know how to deal with, and often don’t even know that we have without some kind of symptom to remind us. 

    That twitchy feeling that makes us want to go shove brownies down our throats, is like a genius alarm bell, that if responded to appropriately, reminds us to clue into what’s bothering us, before it becomes a more serious problem.

    When we strip away the judgement of our emotional eating, and stop calling it a disease, a defect, a problem in and of itself;

    we can finally see it for what it is:

    An alert that something in our life needs our attention. Something completely unrelated to food or our weight. 

    Some people never deal with their problems, because they’re never forced to.

    They never leave the job they hate, because they’re not getting fat over it.

    They don’t have the tough, but necessary conversations with their partners, because things aren’t “bad enough.”

    But emotional eaters have a gift;

    a unique opportunity to recognize when some aspect of their lives needs some T.L.C. A.S.A.P.

    Emotional Eating is a reminder to love yourself harder, show up for yourself, and give yourself what you really need. 

    Be grateful for the reminder. It might be saving your ass.  

    What is your “I-can’t-stop-once-I-pop” food?

    Sweets drive you crazy?

    Can’t have one bite of ice cream without eating the whole pint?

    Maybe it’s chips? Peanut Butter? Kentucky Fried Chicken? Feel free to get weird.

    And let me tell you a little something about your favorite “addictive” foods.

    The only time you will ever feel “out of control” around a specific food, is when you are restricting it.

    Somewhere, somehow, you are judging, shaming, or limiting yourself around that food. You are calling it “bad.” You are wishing you didn’t want it. You are worrying you will lose control, gain weight, get caught.

    You are handing that food power over you, by fearing it.

    If you don’t believe me, try naming one food that “drives you crazy,” that you allow yourself to eat with complete abandon. No shame, no guilt, no fear of losing control. Just letting that food be a part of your life, like it was when you were a kid. Like it’s No. Big. Deal.

    I bet you can’t.

    The only answer to fear around food, is allowance, more allowance, and deeper still allowance. If you are a veteran of this work, you may not even be conscious of all the ways in which you are still restricting yourself, but let your “lack of control” remind you. Lack of Control = Lack of Allowance = Binge Waiting To Happen.

    Lean into your lack of control, and be surprised by the grace that lifts you up. 

    (Tweet and help a brotha out). 

    STEP ONE: Radical Forgiveness

    Forgiveness is the first step to changing your relationship with food and your body permanently.

    Forgive yourself for putting your body through all that you’ve put her through up until this point — whether that be bingeing, starving, or calling her fat until she could no longer imagine another way to feel.

    Forgive yourself for “not getting it” until now (if now), and for continuing to be human and imperfect in your relationship with food.


    Forgive yourself for polishing off whatever bag of food you polished off last night in a state of chaos, confusion, and self-loathing. You were doing the best that you could to take care of yourself in that moment, with the tools that you’ve been taught up until this point.

    Forgive yourself and practice new tools, gentle tools, loving tools; knowing that they will take time to master. Like learning a new language, you will forget words, and re-learn them the hard way — by “messing up” and asking for help.

    Embrace your “mistakes” as the teachers that they are. When we judge, we miss the lesson.

    (Feel free to share that last part, it’s my favorite).